Being a birth doula involves waiting. Waiting for babies! Babies who come in their own sweet time! Babies who have their own secret, internal clock that we mere mortals can only hope to understand! Here I sit. On call! I am usually on call. I am on call for most of the year, probably 48 out of 52 weeks. What that means is that at any time of day, or night, I can expect a phone call from a client telling me she needs me. Or telling me she doesn’t need me, but just wants to update me. Come now. Come later. What that means is that my phone is always on and always close. What that means is that I need to always be sure to get enough sleep, go to bed at a decent time, so that I can be ready for a 1 AM phone call. I am waiting now. A woman will be asking me to join her soon! This I know, as she is now admitted to a local hospital for an induction after spontaneous rupture of membranes in the pre-dawn hours of yesterday! And no labor, as of yet, so a push to get things rolling. Hopefully, a gentle push.
Since the news of yesterday’s events, I have been on “high alert.” High alert, I suppose is more alert than normal, of which I already am always on alert. Is that possible? With every action, with every errand, with every event of my day, I calculate, “What do I need to do, in case I get the call NOW!” Sometimes, this can be exhausting. Very exhausting. Emotionally draining. For the doula and also for her family. Thankfully, I have been doing this for more than 6 years, and my family rolls with the punches well. But, the waiting doesn’t get easier. Not for me, not for the pregnant mama and her family, and not for my own family. Yet, the thrill of the call, the rush to join a laboring woman, the chance to help and witness women trust in their bodies and their babies, to participate in that age old labor dance, that brings a new baby earthside! There is nothing like it! Nothing! And I suppose, that is why many birth professionals do it. Over and Over!
And still I wait. Restless, unable to complete anything, drifting from task to task, unable to really focus, while I wait. So many things still undone, yet I can accomplish almost nothing. Should I go for a walk on this lovely day? Make a yummy casserole for my family to eat this evening, as surely I will be gone? Will I??? Will I be gone? Rest? Nap, in case tonight is a night of no sleep?? Sometimes denial is a good state of mind. Be ready, really ready and then forget about it! Just forget about it! That works for a while, but now as I sit, and wait, I reassure myself that this baby will come like all the others, in its own sweet time! I remind myself of this a million times! And so, it goes. Wait with me, and help me by sharing your own stories of waiting, for babies, for something else? What was your experience like?
As for me, I will go and put together a new, tasty mac and cheese casserole from the Splendid Table’s newest cookbook! And leave it in the fridge, as I suspect my family will be enjoying it this evening without me. Or will they?
Share your stories of waiting for babies with us! Post a comment!